Anxiety

Recently I'm feeling very upset, even say, depressed. Especially when the sun goes down, and the sky turns dark, I almost wanna cry. I hope to get drunk once but after rethinking, I find it no chance. My baby won't let me do this.

I don't know specificly why I come here again. Perhaps it's because of the recent pressure from the English test, which I regarded as an impossible goal from the bottom of my heart. Once something impossible comes to my life, I cannot stand it at all.

I'm confused about why I should keep alive. I know this is a naive question and all the feelings are trivial.

So I won't talk about them anymore.

Today I studied English and I find myself just terrible. None of the four sections, reading, listening, speaking or writing, none is good enough. I am worried.

OK OK stop.

I am here to practice writing, even though these words are like shits, I still have to practice it. The good news is that nobody would read this piece of shit at all. It's just like I'm writing diaries.

Well. I find that I can earn a little money from WeChat Official Accounts with the tiny ads after my passages, as long as someone clicks on it. This is the happiest thing happens today, encouraging me to write more. But now I'm writing here because I don't wanna expose my personal emotion to the public, well, most importantly, to my mom.

Yesterday I posted 2 "poems" on that Account (the two quotation-marks here mean that I think the poems are as terrible as shits). And very soon I got concerned messages from my mom. I don't want her to be worried about me at all. And anyway I don't think this is something really mattering.

I am in my third year of college, an ordinary college in which I came just because of poor performance in the entrance exam. I think I am a little special among the students here, but people special like me are still abundant. I have lots of things that I want to do as well as lots of things I have to do, but only half of them I've done successfully.

I am very anxious. Honestly, I think I'm already in a sub-health mental statue. I hope to study hard mostly to avoid trapping into these emotions.

Well, the battery almost runs over. I think I have to shut up.